A New Friend By R F Cisneros
The sounds of metal scraping against the sharpening stone make my nerves shudder with anticipation as I finish my nightly ritual. The routine is something that I have practiced over and over in my home. Now that the practice is ready to become a reality I feel the pleasure overwhelming me. As, I reflect upon the chase and the capture of my prey. I run the game within my mind and prepare my tools so everything is perfect when I bring my newfound friend. I align the silver blades along the black lining of my holder. The light from the sun coming into my window glistens off the shiny metal, my toys are ready for playtime when I myself can’t wait until I feel the blade puncture the area I so carefully choose. The thoughts of what I am planning make the endorphins in my brain light up like a Vegas strip. The emotions that run through me enlighten me with the feelings of hunger and warmth more than I have ever experienced. I have spent years practicing on subjects that were not alive and the feeling could never satisfy what I craved for, longed for, or desired. I would feel the cold skin release under the pressure of my razor sharp blade, an extension of my arm a marriage of my body and soul. As, I watch with joyful delight the blade in my hand. I extend upwards and bathe in the shining light reflected off the recently sharpened edge. I feel my muscles shudder as the thought of how I long for the life giving fluid to come out in a red enamel colored stream that carries the life giving nectar that is sweet to the taste and the small package that holds the soul inside. A soft package that only I know where it is and only I know how to acquire it.
I now realized that before I could not have dreamed for a better way of acquiring my new playmates. Where I thought I had friends I now know they were not, but only tools on which to practice my craft and now the realization of what is before me has come to light. I no longer have to work in a cold, quiet room even though I enjoyed the quiet. The solitude I gained in my sterile room. The quiet allowed me to think and plan as well. My room was free of any dirt or germs unless I did not clean it properly but I made sure the room was clean or I would stain my friends. Stain them with what is out there germs, insects and other things you can’t see but you know they are there. You are told over the television that if you don’t eat right clean yourself after shaking hands or touching things you will get stained and dirty. I am not a dirty person and I make sure that my friends are clean before and after I’m done playing. I come back to my home where I have my toys and a special room that unlike my old room where I played it isn’t as cold. But, it is not warm either. I spent months getting it right so I can bring my new friends over so we could play. I stand and I think to myself about how much fun my friends and me will have once they come over. And, a small sense of satisfaction washes over me and start to feel all warm and the light inside my brain starts to get brighter and brighter. I look over my new playroom and see the steel table, the pull trolley with all my shiny toys clean and ready to be used. I look around and make sure all the straps that are on the table are properly placed and all the parts to my play set are ready and in proper working order. I know that inside I don’t regret ever working for the hospital morgue I know it allowed me to get good at my skill but, now it’s time for me to apply what I’ve learned and move on to new friends.
I step out of my new playroom and head over to my bedroom and there is my uniform all pressed and folded. I go to the bathroom and turn on the shower and step in and feel the warm hot water fall over me I wash and rinse and continue the process as I always do. Always making sure to wash behind my nails and make sure my hair is clean from any dirt and once I’ve made sure all is done properly I turn the water off step out and proceed to dry myself and make sure everything is done right. I step into my bedroom and stand in front of the mirror I put on my clothes with proper order I finish with my uniform by tightening my belt and putting on my driver’s cap. I then gather my keys off the counter of my small house and walk out the front door. The thoughts that run through my mind are racing as I think about whose child will I pick today on my bus route. Which child will not be making it home today after their parents drop them off at the usual spot and when they return from a happy day at school? They will learn that they will not be seeing their little Emily or their little Brian anymore. Because I will have them and they will be my new friend and they will feel what it’s like to wake up and go to sleep and never again will they feel mommy or daddy kissing them goodnight because I will be last thing they see and that is something that brings a smile to my face as I turn the key in the ignition and drive the School bus over to your neighborhood. And, when I see the news and when the pictures of little Emily or Brian are on I’ll smile and remember that there are so many more children out there to play with. Maybe yours will be my next new friend.
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